3/5/2016 10:35 PM
Hi, it's been the 100th days since we broke up already haha since 22 of January, it's a friday night if i'm not wrong where i just close my comp go to my bed just about to text you *hi* or hey or whatever thing then before i open wechat your message come already haha. Probably fate ba if i close my comp like 10 minute earlier then maybe we could be together for like few days more? maybe hahaha. I have to admit that i still love you, the feelings is still here but there's no point for me to continue to be like this, it's going nowhere. When you're reading this i guess you must be very happy jumping bed at bp? haha i hope the decision i made can leads me to happier life, i guess you would want me to be happy as well. Thank you for being in this 3 year 10 month journey with me, i'm truly happy. Yes i do, thank you for being a part in my youth, i think you can considered as a part of growing for me. We grew up together, yay? haha. Okay to be honest i didn't expect you to continue reading my blog after 59th days ( our 4th year friendship anniversary ). Well, it was surprising that i told you that i knew you're reading and you still continue haha. Didn't know why you're still reading when it's boring shit essay for everyday, let's not assume anything okay? haha. At first i ask myself why is she still reading, is there chances? so many what ifs, i won't stop assuming until one day i decided to text you to check the progression but i didn't expect it to turn out that way hahaha. Actually it was kinda creepy that i can get to know what device you're using, your location, your browser and how many times you viewed my blog HAHA. I'll show you some screenshot at below later. At first i didn't know Blogger have all this feature until i realize it haha, when i first started writing blog it was the 24th days since we broke up i didn't intent to show you this blog until you find out it yourself but it just seems like abit impossible and not logical haha. Regarding the 3 year stuff, that one seems to impractical hahaha i saw the stuff you shared on facebook as well, *admit it, you're waiting for something that is not gonna happen* not sure who is that for so i assume it's for me haha. BTW i didn't stalk you, really. At first i keep ignoring stuff like that then i realize that i have to admit the truth sooner or later. You seems to moved on already while i'm still at the exact same spot when you left me, i think it's time for me to move on ba i really hope this is a good decision as when you hit rock bottom, there's no way but to only get up. I don't think i can be in love with anyone anytime soon, i'm got really hurt this time. Oh ya, i saw your wechat moment post not everytime but a few, awhile later it was gone lol, so i ASSUME again it was for me haha. I suck real bad this time haha. I'm so sorry for bringing you an bad experience for your first love, it was supposed to be great and memorable but i admit i suck lol haha i'm sorry my ego killed me, killed us. I'll never fall in love with anyone as long as i can't tame my ego. It was the best time of my life when i was together with you, thank you for bringing the best time into my life, i misses the time when we at pulau pangkor or don't know what pulau is that already. I could never forget that day in my whole life. Thank you for letting me know my mistakes, my bad habits.
Today i walk to cwp with Annabelle, we talk and chat about stuff, school and relationship shit. She told me it was a part of growing up, everyone will go through this stages of life. I told her i still love my ex even it's been like 3 month plus already then she say aiya u not very ugly also what above average u scare no people want u meh. Guess what i told her, i told her, okay i might look *nice* but if people approach me, the like my lookings but when they get closer, i'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream. I might have the okay looks but my personality is shit. < i didn't say exactly like this but i mean this. Then she say then you have to keep improving and change your personality. I smiles to her only haha. If only things is that easy. Some people like cedric i don't know how they can do it, they broke up with their girlfriend they can very happy at the same night go clubbing and hug girls and stuff. Remember what i told you yesterday? That's how i know i'm different from others, make good use of it. I'm a boy who's born in 90s with 70 - 80s mind. I take relationship so seriously :(, it hurt so much when you broke up with me. Don't get me wrong, i didn't blame u or hate u or whatever shit but i understand everyone just want a better things, even me. If another shop offer me double the pay of my current shop i'll probably work there instead, I understand. Sometimes i think, if you come back now i would do this do that but in fact, i haven't really changed haha okay la changed abit haha. BTW i really learned so much haha. Well actually i didn't know whether you're in another relationship or what, i think yes but it seems to be no. It sucks to keep assuming things where you can just ask the person for answer haha. That's the problem, i just can't stop assuming and overthinking then i end up feeling sad hahaha typical darren. Sometimes i really hate my friend, like today in class. I doing ws then suddenly my skype got 1 new message, then i see is dylan. He send me a youtube link, i click in is 再痛也沒關係 by 陳勢安, my friend really fk up sia like i bleeding then they stab me again hahahaha. Today in at corridor waiting for hy then annabelle and another girl say wah darren u chg hairstyle arh like something different today hahaha then they say i look like ou yang fei fan from Our Times. LOLOL. HAHAHA wait! isit supposed to be a compliment or what? i don't really know haha.
At first i though we could be friends but you prefer me as a stranger =3= it's okay i totally understand that you hate me or dislike me, it's pretty normal haha. You might want to know what is my tattoo writing right? i assume yes haha. Okay show me your tits and i show you my tatts huehuehue jk sial, basically it writes * Emancipate yourself from mental slavery* meaning 从精神奴役中解放自己, which means don't let anyone or anything holding you back from doing what you wants. Don't let fear stop you from doing what you like. Just do it. By the way don't get tattoo okay? girls with tattoo is so not nice and PAIN. There you have it, my everything. Therefore, i'm emancipating myself tonight, lets hope there will be a new me after tonight with no mental slavery. Lets work hard for our own happiness okay?
Okay here's some picture to show you haha.
Don't feel amazed, hahaha this is all time, which means from the start of me writing this blog until today. Look at the Singapore and Malaysia, 99% is you haha. Then with pageview by browsers, MicroMessenger is Wechat, which means u always view this blog by going through the conversation and open the link i send to you late time huehuehue, creepy huh? power of a typical IT geek hiekhiekhiek. Then chrome and safari is you sometime lol haha. < well this one i cannot make sure is 100% you but MicroMessenger is confirm you, which means you visited my blog for 802 times already havent include the chrome and safari hahaha. Operating system yours is iPhone and Windows. Shocking huh? you visited at least 821 times already haha.
Then move on to pageview haha. Looking at the chart, it shows when and what time you visits haha and the Posts, you actually viewed 85th days the most among all 99 post. Well, i checked it but nothing special also hahaha.
And lastly, this is where i monitor or edit or publish post haha. Look at the random number beside the date, it was the pageview count. Oh ya, you missed out 95th days lol hahaha. What's beside the pageview count is number of comments, wew it always stay 0 =3=. Feel creepy yet? hahaha. Okayy now let's do some maths! hahaha. In total there's 97 post. 26 of them is noon post which i usually use half hours or more to write them. 71 of them is night post which typically uses one hour half or more, usually more. Let the mental abuse begins, 26morning post*0.5hours + 71night post *1.5hours = 119hours. WOW? i actually uses 119 hours to write everything in total? actually more ahaha. 119 hours = 4.9Days haha feeling amazed? You'll probably need hours to re-read them all again hahaha but i bet you won't hahaha.
有一种爱叫做放手 - 阿木
*
如果你对天空向往
渴望一双翅膀
放手让你飞翔
浪漫如果变成了牵绊
我愿为你选择回到孤单
*
I know that i couldn't give you what you always wanted, i sincerely apologize for that. But i hope the last decision i made will make you happy, letting go. Please understand that letting go does not mean i stopped loving you. I let go so you can find something better, don't worry for me, i'll be happy for you :)
Adele - Someone Like You
*
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
*
Since we'll be splitting our ways since 4 years we've been together for almost every shit, i know i can't be a part in your life anymore but i wish you all the best in your future and upcoming shits. Not every love story have an happy ending, atlease we were once happy right? that's enough already haha. Don't forget me? well actually it depends on you haha but of course if i'm the reason what's bothering you, please forget me. I only want you to be happy, even without me.
第几个一百天 - 林俊杰
*
第几个一百天
还是很有感觉
*
It's been 100th days already but my feeling for you is still very strong =3=. I still loves you. Probably because you gave me too much for me to forget. Not sure where will i be or what will i be doing for the next 100 days, i'll tell you again haha. 最后的疼爱是手放开, I know i will regret this but for your happiness i can't be so selfish to hold you back. Please please please, take care of yourself. Because i don't want anything to happen on you, stay strong always. I'm no longer your anyone, currently just a stranger with some memories. This is probably my last post on this blog already, i apologize for all the long post and cancerous English i've put you through, if you feel like getting cancer, here's some symptoms, cough , stomachache , always dizzy, vomit blood. If you have all this you probably got cancer from reading my post, you need to stop immediately hahaha.
Remember i said i got something to announce 2 days ago on that post? You must be excited to know what is it or you might already know haha. Like last time your birthday present every monday tell you a letter about your present hahaha. Btw, that thing is Polaroid Cube. I hereby announce that CaDarien officially dies, yay? This is probably the last you'll ever see from me haha i won't be disturbing you anymore, serious haha. I can't help myself from typing *haha* even in a serious situation because last time you say i no type *haha* seems so fierce lol, you influenced my life haha. As of now my phone pin still 2411, your name in my phone still bae, my instagram password still ilovecarrieslimxinjie. I just couldn't explain how much you mean to me =3=. Now there's nothing holding you back , go find your happiness little girl, 跑吧！孩子.
Here i apologize for the last promises i break, remember on my earlier post promising i'm not gonna say goodbye to you? There won't be anymore broken promises from me already. I'm really sorry for everything i've ever done on you. Please stay gorgeous and shine, i love you. Goodnight. Goodbye.
NEVA GIFF UP! ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
COUNTING DOWN 1025/1095 DAYS
No comments:
Post a Comment